21

So we dissected mice today. I being the almost/i think good surgeon, severed the mouse’s head and proceeded to cut into its skull. i liked that part somehow. but the most brilliant part of it all was the slow, staccato beats of the still living heart(this was earlier into the procedure). it made me realize that tiny, minuscule beings have all the inner workings similar to humans, only an extremely down-sized model but with the same complexities of human body systems. it struck me how easy it was for us to cut off tissue by tissue and disentangle the spleen and intestine without knowing how we’re just taking apart an entire body structure, a work of science and wonder, however small. okay, the feeling of being the person to behead the mouse; i must say, i felt the churning and the acute kick in the gut, the moment i picked up the forceps and secured a good grip around the limp neck of the dead animal. i tried to empty out my mind/emotion/attachment. i guess i did succeed, cause the moment i cracked  the last bone attaching the skull to the backbone free, i felt nothing. practically nothing. it was interesting how i and Sarah kind of created this void inside our minds, an empty space for where all the pity/guilt/disgust we were abt to feel, seem to fall into.

I watched, partly, Sam cutting open the skin of the belly. he did it with such precision—so very like a top-knotch surgeon. he was so expressionless, emotionally detached, “just there to finish the job”. it was very impressive, very familiar, very Samuel.

 Auditions went a bit awry. just to sum it up since i dont really feel like trying to find the the exact words to describe the experience/eventual outcome : “Wait for tomorrow." i’m a bit unsure. i feel neither here nor there, which i really hate. it's like, leaving you somewhere between being happy  and relief or just being plain disappointed. it’s like being left in the dark.

busy week so far. and will be more busy for the weeks to come. excited? maybe. but i need sleep. i feel like sleep is hanging on this large and tall pole and with everyday building up more walls and doors (just when you thought you’ve completely obliterated the one before), my sleep is steadily slipping, bit by bit, until one day, i am afraid, i may just knock off unconscious and delve into sweet, deep oblivion for days. hahah. that actually sounds good.

okay, signing off. oh btw,if there is anyone who is interested to watch Monster Vs. Alien and help the Interact Club raise funds for charity, then im glad to announce that i am helping to sell10 tickets. all are RM20, seating is free(only within the RM20 sections, of course) and the movie will be in 3D. the special 3D glasses will be provided. it’s on the Friday night, 22nd May, so let me know before Wednesday next week

leave me a msg on msn/sms me/facebook me/tag on my cbox/walk up to me in school to let me know, alright?

FIN.